a jump
November 25, 2022Life is filled with portals and chapter turnings and this past summer marked a pivotal one. After years of dreaming and months of planning, I strapped my essentials into the waterproof saddlebags on my forest green 1984 motorcycle and hit the road in my long awaited escape. From structure, from security, from routine. From sitting in boxes and looking at boxes and the feeling of tightness that came with the pandemic and never fully left.
The inspiration for this adventure came from reading Elsbeth Beard’s account of her incredible solo motorcycle journey around the world at age 26 in the 1980s. I was amazed, astounded and absolutely convinced that such a voyage was one I needed to experience. As the world drastically changed over the past years, the urgency to feel this exhilaration was amplified tenfold. The instability of what was previously known to hold true and the precarity of the future made the present more valuable than ever. I sought to reclaim my autonomy by jumping into the unknown that I perceived to be infusing itself into life around me.
My first attempt was summer of 2021. The plan was to drive a black 1979 motorcycle that was sitting in my dad’s garage in Wisconsin out to California. I bought the bike and rode it around the summer after graduating college before putting her in storage and moving across the pond to Europe. I knew the bike wasn’t in the freshest condition and the chances of making it all the way to the coast were slim, yet the dream of that drive was my light in the dark. It was my tonic to the feeling of claustrophobia that consumed me during the first year of the pandemic. Going from an entirely hands on creative process to a daily job mostly facilitated by a computer screen drained my energy and I desperately needed refill my cup with the raw beauty of the natural world. This I was able to do, but unfortunately the bike did not even make it out of the state and I had to put that side of the dream on hold.
Fast forward through another winter of full-time work and a returned pandemic. An outer reversion to a previous state yet with growing inner resolution. I recognized that the first attempted jump was more action than reflection, and, while my physical environment changed dramatically, my inner conditions did not shift in the way that was necessary to pave the path for the new branch of life I so desired. This time was different. Returning to a routine I had already struggled with only heated my fire to get back out. This time I resolved to shake the foundation of my reality with such strength that the pieces had no choice but to reform in a new pattern and the way back to where I was would be indiscernible.
While I am deeply grateful for the learning I gathered during this time, I felt and feel an insatiable curiosity for a different way of living. I crave open space and undefined plans. Fluidity, turbulence and expansiveness. To integrate a practice of reverence, create in reciprocity and to deepen my love for this world - these are my guiding stars. I also felt a strong need to slow down. To calm the running of thoughts and return to a place of presence. Re-encounter myself in the here and reconnect with my surroundings. To find breath in the rhythm of nature, bending with grasses dancing in the wind and shifting like the shadows across a hillside. Regaining balance and entering into the dynamic of giving and taking as a small spec of a larger being.
The first leg of the journey from Berlin to Greece was surreal. I woke up before dawn and left the first morning as if in a dream. The task of ‘making it’ was taking up enough headspace that I did not have room for the cinematic feeling of freedom I had expected to feel as I watched a previous chapter of life grow smaller in the rear view mirror. I didn’t even look back, eyes glued to the road and the curves ahead. Til then, the furthest I had driven on a single trip was around 500 km and that was within the comfort of my home state. This journey was another level and my stomach was knotted with nerves.
The sun was hot but the breeze on the bike was cool as the land unfolded around me in an exquisite array. Winding between mountains and through fields of emerald green in the most magical myriads, heart pounding at the awe of it. Stone buildings in faded paint and the light reflecting off the dance of water waves. As I rode further, tension made room for wonder and I swan into the flow.
